i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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