Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize