quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
