life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
