so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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