Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
please come you make the beer taste better
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
