Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
