just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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