Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Your tits are I can't wait for
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
