She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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