She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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