I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm passing your future prison.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
