Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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