dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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