u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
