is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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