how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
