I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize