At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
