I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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