You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
