Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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