I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
