It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
