Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
