I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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