I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
