he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
