Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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