Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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