oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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