Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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