My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
