absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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