Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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