I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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