i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
