I wish I could punch you in the face.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
