the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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