Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
