so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Never joke about your clitoris.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize