shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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