So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
