I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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