Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
