Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
