That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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