normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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