Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
