I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
