Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this beer tastes like vomit already
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
