I want to make a zoo with you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize