That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize