3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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