So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
