I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
