If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
