I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
