Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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