our cab driver is having phone sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
