Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
