I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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