I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
