dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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