The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
