Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
