I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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