Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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