I looked at my own cervix.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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