How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
