you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
