sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize