friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
