I think I won the penis lottery.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
