Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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