my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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