Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
