The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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