I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize