i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
