New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
