I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
