Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The uberlube is also flammable
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
