I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize