My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
