Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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