i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
