i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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