They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
