I have demons in me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
