Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
someone owes me an orgasm
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
