And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
