What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize